Monday, August 25, 2014

Day 39 - And so to bed

A friend of mine recently pointed out that I am generally the architect of my own disasters. I sabotage myself on a regular basis. One of the ways that I do this, by her analysis, is by staying up unnecessarily for no good reason.

There are plenty of reasons for why I think I do this. I am, by nature, a night owl, and have historically done a lot of what I regard as my best work in the evening. Sometimes it's because there is someone staying, and I have a need to be the last one to go to bed (in part, this need is directed by ensuring that the dogs go to their beds). But I think that a lot of it comes back to my childhood idea that sleep (like eating) is a waste of time.

This is, of course, ridiculous, because I know that in order to function better during my waking hours, I need plenty of sleep. But it's funny how quickly I can forget that when I'm on a roll with composition, or suddenly realise it's midnight and I haven't washed up, etc.
Right now, I'm writing this at half-past midnight when I should be sleeping. I need to get up tomorrow.
Why do I do this to myself? Partly, I think I enjoy having an excuse for not being at my best in the morning. Subconsciously of course. I can't be expected to fulfill all my own expectations and those of my colleagues if I don't get enough sleep. I enjoy being a martyr and 'struggling on' despite adversity. Bags under my eyes demonstrate my dedication to my work.

This is all, of course, ridiculous. I need to sleep more. I need to spend more time in bed. I talk to my tutees about 'good sleep hygiene' and it's about time I practiced what I preach.
I intend to spend more time in bed, to leave enough time to sleep, and enough time to wind down in the evening.

Maybe tomorrow...

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